Trick or Treat 2009

My Father in his semi put together PIMP Halloween costume last night. Dalton said that Pampa needs to brush his teeth. Bubba as Spiderman 2009

My Troopers for the night! I really could careless if Halloween even existed!

Spiderman....Done!

A couple that were handing out candy. Dalton saw him and turn to run back down the stairs at first and then the lady talked him into going back up there to take a picture. Well after that Dalton thought he was pretty cool. Talked about him the whole way home! Yet, you can sense the unsureness on his face!

Running through yards...this kid is bulletproof thus far! Knock on Wood!!!

only a 1/4th of the crew we went with.

Sisters, Angela and Sarah (Austin's Mom)

Brothers in costume!

Bubba 3 years old

(Cousins to Austin) Cami, Cole and Austin

Daddy and Bubba chillin on Uncle Stans couch

Halloween get togethers at Stans house is tradition. One of the few traditions we actually have. Please try and follow what I say next...Stan(the owner of the house) is the dad to my friend Jesse Moore whom I have know since kindergarten (23 years), who happens to also be Sarah's (Austins Mom, Russ's ex-wife) Uncle. So Sarah and my friend Jesse are first cousins. I spent many of my growing up years at Stan's or Jesse's yet I never knew Russ or Sarah. Needless to say VERY big, but VERY close family! So every Halloween we get together, eat chili, treats and then take the kids to romp the nieghborhoods. Annnnddd Every year our group tends to grow even larger. I swear we have way more adults then kids but its FUN!

Just Some Fall Pics

I took these pictures out at Wyandotte County Lake. It was pure therapy for the soul!! I kept making the comment that the trees were dead, they had lost most of their leaves from the high winds we have had here in the past few days. I remember not even a month ago driving around this park and the trees were full of color and "life". Yet as I see these pictures I cant help but find the beauty in the sunlight, nature etc. Love them. Gotta admit not bad for amateur photography!

I love the road shots. Takes me to the country, a land I wish I knew better!

A Sneak-Peek

Dalton as Spiderman showing the right arm bicep
Full on muscles!!!

Dalton is wearing his Spiderman costume to Mrs. Gabby's today for a parade and some trick-or-treating! I tell ya what last year I did not have this amount of fun with him. Three IS a whole new age I tell ya! He really plays the part of a Super Hero. The funniest part is he believes his muscles are real because he ate his hamburger the other night in which...... I told him if he did that he would get muscles and the POW just like that. He cracks me up!

What Do You Think Wednesday?

I FEEL GOOD in RED!

Is there really such a place called Cloud Nine??

If so I think I am there. It started with a good nights rest, a 3 year old sweetie pie counting to 10 in Spanish singing form on the way to daycare this morning. I almost had to pull over. I had a tear and was in utter shock to be honest. He said "sing wit me mom"....:) (Warm heart!) Then he sang his ABC's and he didn't stutter on "L" like he did just last week. Amazing how fast they grow!!! (tear)

He is so cute on Wednesdays when we head to my Sissy's. I say we are going to see Jojo and Sissy and Ashley and he says "No Mom, we go see Ian" and I then say Oh yes Ian, the man you see for like 15 minutes, before he goes to work. Sorry Ash but IAN is a big deal!! Most likely because he is a boy! :)

My Dr. yesterday increased my meds dosage. I had been on 30mg of Vyvanse and I felt I had plateaued. (yes I do feel the need to tell you this) So he increased to 50mg and let me tell you now, I am so happy(noy crazy like either). I am all warm and fuzzy inside and very focused. Focused on love and laughter only.

I think I must have fallen out of my funk last night. I think a certain 30 second phone call changed my world. One, because I have impressed in my brain that I cannot take care of anyone but myself before I attempt others. Two, I CAN let go of issues in my past it's OK. I don't need them as an excuse anymore!! Final, I am SUPER LUCKY to have Russ. I cant explain him and what he means to me in just one word. Sorry that IS impossible!

So I say to you: You, that is having a bad day, You, who is wearing a frown because life is hard right now. I tell You, there is light at the beginning, not the end of the tunnel, OPEN your damn eyes! You are loved! You are needed!

Or as my wise mother would say "Fake it, til you make it" OR "Are you willing to sink or are you going to swim?"

I am swimming Mom....

BIG HUGS TO ALL THOSE WHO NEEDS ONE OR JUST BECAUSE!

Now I See

"It goes with your everywhere you go. It is on display at work and at home. People around you are affected by it. It has no shape, color, or size, yet its impact on your life is profound. What is it? Your attitude!!!"

I found this quote while doing a quick soul search tonight. This must be what people see around me. This must be why I am bombarded with everyones troubles. Because I appear to be in control, happy, and full!

I know now the things I shouldnt be and I am learning to set boundaries for family and friends.

One thing I found out today though from a friend is that I cannot just push people away. As much as I dont agree with thier actions, I know now I cant control that. I am learning to let gooo....relax. Know that I am OK regardless if they are or not.

I am still capable of being a good friend even when I am overwhelmed with emotions. Sometimes its just a phone call...today HER voice was different. It was different than last week and that eased my heart and mind.

Goodnight! I have had my fill of life for the day :)

Some Say Love...It Is A River

The Rose Lyrics - Bette Midler song

Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger
An endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower
And you, its only seed
It's the heart, afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It's the dream, afraid of waking
That never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul, afraid of dying
That never learns to live
When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed
That with the sun's love, in the spring
Becomes the rose

So I am sitting here pondering, processing all of my thoughts and this song comes to mind. I have not heard this song in many years. Yet, here I sit heading towards the wintery months with all my emotions as well as everyone elses emotions heavy on my heart. The way I see this song is someone who has been torn, broken, and shamed in all aspects of love. I see someone who thinks the light that some of us may speak of at the end of the tunnel is false hope or for the lucky.

So in the winter per say when everyone stays in doors, holds the ones they DO have whether a husband/wife, child or dog/cat. They feel warmth in thier heart as the fire burns in the fireplace and they sip there starbucks coffee under a blanket that maybe Grandma made. It is then, when you shut off your outside world, all problems, insecurities when realize what you have right in your own home that loves you uncondiotinally. It is then that nothing and no one else matters. It is then you can only see yourself and who you truely are.

You are a seed and Spring is around the corner...are you ready to be that Rose?

Sorry I know it's deep thinking for the morning and for my blog but I have to write, for now it's better than talking. I am continuing to read and learn that it's okay to let go....

Images Of Good Memories

Bubba at what time did you think it was okay to start just growing up on me? Sad face, but oh the joy and chuckles I got out of some of these photos. I cannot believe nor remember how big he was as a baby! These are mostly pics of Bubba but every now and then I crossed one that made me smile or chuckle like I said and so I had to post! There is no order to these at all. Enjoy!

Heeeeeyyyyyy!

Dad and Hubby gettin down!

OMG!!!

100% Team

Me scared as hell, for they just told me C-section after 24 hours of labor. My sister had just experienced the worst c-section 6 months prior.....I was freaking out, but at the same time I love this picture as my world is about to change.

Friends For Life (jojo and bubba)

Mrs Candie every Tues-Saturday!

Forever Good Memories!!!

Seriously he was HUGE!

Look at my belly after delivery....

Love his hair and complexion

All good times in my heart!!! :)

An Email From My Mom....Got Me Thinking

One Flaw In Women
Women have strengths that amaze men....
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in..
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

I had just shared with my Mom the struggles I am having lately. I actually broke down in tears because I feel broken, weak, vulnerable to my feelings that I seem to have always shoved aside. I know life is not supposed to be easy and by no means is it fair. Yet, I seem to cruise with the motions. Before I had a family of my own or even back when it was just me and Russ, I had the time to listen and react/relate with others and their problems. I have discovered I have no boundaries when it comes to friendship/family and that is my new found flaw. I have to step back, I have to put up big walls until I can learn to say enough and know what "enough" actually means. How to express that to someone without hurting them in the process. How to be a friend, not a go to girl/therapist. I sometimes wonder if I look like a woman who appears to be able to hold a lot of weight on my shoulders? I wonder if people think I'm relatively always happy and carefree? Cause I am not!! I too have a lot of background to sift through. I too have been opened to a new sense of being.
My mom gave me a book Saturday called The Language Of Letting Go, by Melody Beattie. Who also writes Co-Dependent No More. I suggest these books to everyone. At least look them up online, read a few pages. I bet most of you can relate. I am not to far into so here is what I sort of already knew and did Melody write it much better.

I am A Caretaker:

The act of taking responsibility for other people while neglecting the responsibility for ourselves. When we instinctively feel responsible for the feelings, thoughts, choices, problems, comfort, and destiny of others, we are caretakers. We may believe at a unconscious level, that others are responsible for our happiness, just as we are responsible for theirs.

So I am learning and reading. I need to breathe......it's gonna take a while!

Best Things In Life Are Free!

Today we headed out early my Mom and Dads for breakfast and to return the fire pit Dadbrought over for my birthday. Dad made breakfast burritos. Yumm-E! After breakfast we went outside. Even though it was super chilly out we bundled up in our jackets and headed out to the rocks and leaves. My so cannot sit still father decided he would sweep the driveway! Sooooo my so cannot sit still 3 year old decided he would help. I couldnt resist the picture taking. As Dad and Bubba were sweeping they uncovered 3 little worms and lets just say Dalton wore the worms out..I think they actually croaked on him. :( He did everything from picking them up, throwing them down, putting them in his coat pockets and then throwing them in the leaf pile to take a nap...that was my idea cause they had already died at this point. As much as I didnt want to hold a worm I did so because I cant be scared if Dalton isnt...

Dad played on every level with Bubba. Dalton probably thought it was super cool to have a "Big Kid" keeping up with him!!! LOL!

We opted in on babysitting my parents dogs tonight while they went to a party! Geee Mom and Dad I dont think they like my house one bit!! :)

This was her spot....way far away from Bubba!!!

All in all a good day. Russ and I watched The Proposal which was super funny. Loved it. Russ also attempted another brisket on the smoaker today and I think....we have a winner! I think.....