I Just Want A Kiss

Dalton, can Mommy have a kiss? (BTW, like my tan line?)
No for real Bubba, can Mommy have a kiss?

Dalton Lee...

Ok really...thank you....seriously.

My Heart Belongs To This Guy..

Dalton Lee, when did you get so darn big? Slow down will ya? You are always in such a hurry. Not sure where you get that from ;)

You are first to anything and everything we do. Whether its racing to the front door or walking in Target you have to be first. It's cute but totally obnoxious too. I tried to trick you and tell you that being in the back of the line was way cooler. You bought it for a day but must have figured old Mom out pretty quick.

You love getting dressed.. all by yourself

You shower.. all by yourself (I monitor)

You get your shoes on...all by yourself

You pour your own drink..by yourself

You practically make your own dinner kid. :)

You would like to do EVERYTHING yourself and mostly you do but one thing you cant do better than me is...

kiss a boo boo when you fall running to that front door trying to be first in line.

you still can't turn your clothes right side out when getting dressed, so I still help you there

you can't tie your shoes yet, so Mommy helps you there

you can't shampoo your hair and loofah your body, like mom does so I get to help there too.

I clean your mess when you spill the gallon of chocolate milk on the kitchen floor (true story) because you so insistently stated you could pour your own drink

you wont LOVE yourself like I your Mommy loves you.

You hug pretty tight for a little guy but I hug tighter so HA!

I love you little man, but slow down Mommy needs to and wants to keep you little as long as I can. Before you know you will be 16 and trust me honey that couch we share now while watching TV together, will not be a sharing option then.

Hugs and Kisses Bubba

Photography Courtesy of Candie Dearing @ Home Grown Photos

pretty amazing isn't she? :)

Sleeping Beauty? Of course..

Dear Lord, the rumors going around about this summer cold are true..TRUE TRUE TRUE! It's viscous! About 2 weeks ago I developed body aches and a small fever..THAT'S IT! Then wham an horrible middle ear infection that wound me up at the ER last Saturday at 130am. However, that was it other than that I didn't feel bad. Then a few days later I lost my voice...WTH? I was put on a second antibiotic cause my ear would not drain(still hasn't)..here I think I am at the tale end of things all getting better and WHAM...sinus congestion and chest coughing. Pretty sure I lost a lung earlier this evening during a cough attack. WTH?

Everyone that has had this summer cold has tried to warn me that it's a bad one and you know me...nah I wasn't buying it. Well guess what people..I surrender damnit!

Dear Dalton, Your Mom is Hot

Dear Bubby, you should know that your mom is super cute! I hope you find a wife one day that is a brunette with curves. Trust me they have way more fun than skinny blonde's honey. Don't listen to your Aunts! Mommy knows best! :) Photography courtesty of Issac Alonghi Photography. (click on link) He came to our office and took photos for our up and coming website. He makes anything beautiful. True artist and amazing personality to go with it.

So It Was Brought To My Attention

So someone who means the world to me, unintentionally brought to my attention that I maybe haven't been myself lately. (clearing throat) Who am I? Well....I am "typically" fun going, laughing, never have a care in the world, bubbly, vivacious..voluptuous, wearing heart on sleeve, loving, affectionate kind of gal. Want me to keep going? I totally can....kind, smart, funny...crazy blah blah blaaah!

So anyhoots "they" think I have been in a rut and can't wait to have the "old Tracy" back. :(
Well that made me sad because I didn't know I had really ever left. (calling crazy ward) JK

I think..I know, that with all of my hormone,vitamin deficiencies I maybe lost a little spirit along with a lot of hair (sensitive subject..watch it!) then with Dalton's whole medical mystery recycling and now I'm laid up with a viscous cold. I mean seriously, I haven't had a ear infection since I was maybe 7 years old and well in Dr's. exact words today after 3 days of an antibiotic..I have a real doozy. Really that's an educated word? Regardless I knew that already via ER trip on Saturday morning at 1:30am. My entire right ear is closed off from sound. Can we say annoying? Not to mention my voice is gone...hello I am a talker, mover, never sitting still type person..CAN I GET A BREAK HERE?!

(OK, I think I am doing it again) Being NOT the old me. Dangit! So I think what this person meant was she wants the "healthy+happy Tracy" back :)

Well mee too darlin. Me too.

I know I don't seem happy but trust me the smile I make is never fake. (wow, maybe too much NyQuil tonight) Nope it's me! Always.

Sometimes you can get in a rut..talk negative about life, act negative towards friends and then people think you may have changed or that your not happy. In my case this is not ever true. :)

So have no fear friend...

IM BAAACCCK!

Please excuse me. I don't get out much.

So the night was planned earlier in the month to attend our very first TBones baseball game as a family because my niece Jordyn was cheering on the field. Mind you she is four, it was great! What a diva! However, like her mommy she was more a fan of the baseball players and the crowd of people watching her than to follow instruction. So she looked fabulously pretty in her outfit, with her hair and make-up needless to say. Aunt TT loves you Jojo. You Rocked! Any hoots, earlier in the year I had ironically purchased a huge pack of promotional stuff for ONLY 25.00 to the TBones...well in the package alone were 8 FREE tickets so right there at 8.50/ea I knew it was a deal. So where do two young married couples with toddlers and nothing else on a Friday night to do go for FREE? TBONES BABY! (and bonus Jordyn was cheering) So the Dearings loaded up and followed us out. Pretty sure we went through a micro burst on the way to the ballpark. It was crazy. However the storm made the weather perfect for Baseball.

In this picture below: We are super cute DUH! He is my own personal ALLSTAR The calm after a horrendous storm that went through prior to the game.
Kurt and Kenley Rae (Goose)

Me and Dalton "mustard face" :Take two

Me and "mustard face" :Take one

"Group Huddle" must have been important, look at Austin's face and Dalton's hand...pretty sure it was over the nachos Russ brought back to his seat with him. :)

Ms. Diva Cadence herself...watching the ball players like her Mama! I adore her innocence.

Nothing alike right?! Wrong!

Candie and Baby Kenley (Goose)

Seriously, these little angels and their eyes. WOW! Daddy will totally have to chase boys away. Might need dogs too!

Sure, a nap sounds good about 5th inning...why not?

Did he not get the "mandatory nap in the 5th inning" memo like Cadence did above?? Seriously!

I love you Jordyn Brooke, you were adorable and made me smile.

Ms. Sassafras herself!

LOVE her side profile. Wish her "Angel Kiss" on her cheek would stay. It's so precious! Honestly, look at the eyes....(sigh) Dalton better never lose her number.

Hi...Jojo :)

Ra-Ra-Ra...who cares your totally cute!

Do you see the innocence? Don't get me wrong this girl has attitude but have you met her Mama? She is beautiful...Nice job Dearing family

I can't wait to see how Kenley changes. I hope for the laid back, giggly gal. Sweats and flip flops.

All in all a great evening...

Oh one more thing...were you aware that it is in fact the National Anthem they sing prior to the ballgame, not the Pledge Of Allegiance? Cause really....I shushed Dalton and pretty much yelled.. "Be quiet they are gonna sing the Pledge of Allegiance"

As Candie is cracking up at me and I realize I'm a total goober. Who has their wrong hand on their heart??? Yep, Mrs. Dearing her hilarious self!

Excuse US..we don't get out much!

At A Loss

There comes a time in everyones life when you make the choice to hang on or simply let go.

Health
Friends
Spouses
Jobs
Morals
Lies
Truths

Well today I was tested...today at Dalton's appt. I wanted to break down and cry right in front of the doctor, my hubby and my totally brave son(post to come). I held back the tears and I am sure looked extremely mad instead.

We discovered that what we thought was a road to answers was just another detour in Dalton's health mystery. Lets just say this... I am one exhausted Mommy. I sent a text to a few close friends stating that I would be giving up on all Dr's and that the next time Dalton gets a fever I just simply wont care(or something like that) Boy, was I angry! :(
They really told me that a 624 white count was most likely due to a virus. What virus? The one he has had for the past three years???? WTH? Ughhh I can't even get started :(
Anyway back to my point. I was mad and stated I wouldn't care or I would "let go"

A friend text me and all of a sudden my mentality changed...she stated she knows that next time when he gets a fever, I wont "not care" and she was totally right? I will continue to be his advocate and no doubt worry my heart out for him. This is something I wont let go of. We still potentially may receive some answers from other blood work down the road and even a diagnosis of Periodic Fever Syndrome (there is such a thing) but that again is down the road.
Thanks everyone for your prayers or allowing me to blow up your cell in anger or sadness. Thank you for always listening and guiding. :)

Our next step: When he gets the fever we call down to children's mercy hospital, get in ASAP so that they may draw his levels that day. Just like 3 weeks ago. To see if it shows his white count that low again. Anything under 1500 would be NOT good at all. He was 624 3 weeks ago with a 103/104 temp.
Today his counts were 2820...not kidding. :/

To my Bubba: Mommy is still hangin on buddy! Love you!

A Couple Mama Kats "Prompts"

TEN things I can do in 3 minutes

Workshop#1

1. Jump out of bed, brush teeth, throw make up on and be dressed.
2. Be in and out of Starbucks with great drink in hand.
3. Prepare Ramen Noodles for dinner.
4. Shower
5. Unload and Reload the dishwasher.
6. Have a phone conversation. I'd rather text.
7. Sing Happy Birthday to the given candidate.
8. "cuddle" with my husband
9. Pay and pump gas
10. Paint my fingers and toes

In all reality it's really hard to think of ten things you can do in three minutes. I assume its why we are given 24 hours in a day. :)

So Russ decided to partake in a Mama Kats writer workshop as well. He said it would be super easy to think of 25 things he LOVES about his wife. I was like it's harder than you think.

First draft looked something like this: 1 through-25 YOUR ASS

...um no hun!

I was cracking up because that is so true and he is so predictable. However, on a serious note I really handed him a notebook and pen and insisted he try. He has been on the couch about 20 30 minutes thus far and I am still waiting...easy huh? I'm just tickled he is really doing it. This is also a great marriage project. :)

Per husband I only get to share a few.

1. smile
2. passion
3. that we think alike
4. easy go attitude
5. you say divorce is never an option
6. not controlling
7. lets me play ball
8. you enjoy my family..mom/dad/sis/etc
9. don't need money to be happy
10. you enjoy my time with you

Of course the list goes on...he did complete 25 things. Talk about jump starting the passion. ;)

My Guppie

WOW! What a difference a year can make in a toddlers world. Last year he wouldn't go near a pool let alone splashing. We went to the pool during our Iowa reunion and he did get in, but never was I even remotely as pleased and excited with Bubba as I was today.

What started out as a massive plan to do yard work at the Wood's house today was quickly delayed due to it being so freakin hot outside. So we headed to my Aunt Laurie's pool. Gotta admit I was hesitant that Dalton would even get in so I didn't bring anything but a towel and sunscreen. Boy, was I wrong. He is a fish, a dolphin, a flippin whale! He stayed in the water for almost 2 straight hours. Later he stated his hands looked all crazy. (wrinkly)Thank goodness one of the other parents had a floaty thingy for him. Even though it was PINK he slipped it over him and it was game on! He was so big.
My aunts pool has this little ledge to set on and he loved it. He actually called it the porch. "Take me back to the porch" It was funny

One proud Mommy in a very unflattering swimsuit...darn the luck. Oh well look at the kid!!!

Bubby, Me and my Aunt Lily. If I would have had a girl I was gonna name her Lily, after my aunt.

Me, Bubba and my Aunt Laurie...the QUEEN of the pool :) Hence the tan

I am so proud of you Bubby. Lets do it again tomorrow :)

Playin Hookie

I think little man figured out how to play hookie today. I'm off every Friday but I still take bubby to daycare because it's my only kid free time to do house work, visit with my sis a little bit, drink coffee and maybe nap before Russ gets home then we get kid free time together. Adult time I mean..another bonus!
Anyhoots today Dalton woke up stating his belly hurt. He had cried out a couple times in the night and has had congestion so my worst fears set in and I kept him home...but nooooo by 9am he was in rare form! I even threatened to take him to daycare at one point.
Then I decided, I needed to keep him as busy as Mrs. Gabby does so "fieldtrippin" we went. First stop PetSmart. Oh he loved all the fish, and the birds, and the not so nice cats. We almost bought a dwarf water frog but passed. Maybe I can use it as a bribe for his upcoming Hematology appt. Wednesday (I know they will be drawing blood again)
Second stop, Pet Stop. It was a great animal friendly day! I figured take him to places where his energy might relate well with the environment. (smartmomaward)
However it was a great day, towards the end I became a little on edge, must be that time of the month or just a funk.
Sometimes a girl, woman, mom..just needs some time away from it all ya know ;)

UnAcCePtAbLe

Wheels are spinning inside my oh so little brain, that connects to my oh so humungo heart :)
I have so much I want to post but I know that this is after all a blog that my son will inherit and read, like to his wife and kids and grandkids....(gasp) sure he will!
Therefore I have to stay somewhat sane, calm and cool...right?!
I am not one to get really angry, I mean ANGRY, yes I get "fed up" or "exhausted" "short fused" "annoyed" and my feelings for sure get hurt on a dime but I am never really angry. I am typically really happy.

With that being said I am A LOT ANGRY, A LOT DISTURBED and I need to share...
.....before I start I will shorten this so greatly that unless you were in my shoes yesterday you have no idea the image that is burned, literally burned into my memory.

(heavyheart/sickness)Yesterday, I met a 32 year old woman that was so badly beaten by her husband that her head was shaved entirely bald so that the Drs could access where he had bashed her skull in with his fist alone, I stared at her bruised skin and his actual fingerprints still around her neck, she then removed her large sunglasses and I almost fell into her lap. Her eyes...her eyes are what I see the most when I close mine. Purples and reds in color, a raw, shiny look to the skin. Her left eye so bashed in that all the bone around it was crushed to pieces. She was shaking as she sat in the dental chair at my office because her teeth hurt on the left side as well. Ok.....enough you get the point!

Dear Mr

What gave you

Ok, I have typed and erased numerous times trying to figure out how to release my anger, preach to my son and anyone else listening but also try and let go.

ADHD behavior starting...NOW: I always wanted to work either in a hospital, a nurse would be my dream job, then maybe I thought hospice, or an anorexia/bulimia department, I even had fun on the stroke floor with my Uncle David. I have been told my laughter is contagious and after all laughter heals the heart and soul right? So, why didn't I follow my passion? A. school, I suck at it and B. My heart, my heart is huge..sometimes too huge and I would become attached, want to save them, heal them and most of the time you cant change someone, whether its diagnosis or choice, I hope your following cause I am lost in my words my damn self. Needless to say there would be way more restless nights for me then I have ever had in the past.

pause...pause...pause...pause

So I am gonna change it up. I am gonna pull the whole "I am a Mom" card and simply preach to my son.

Dalton, Mommy is gonna tell you some things you shouldn't will never do to a woman. I hope to God that you listen and listen good. I hope you know that I am so serious right now mister moo.

#1 YOU WILL NEVER LAY YOUR HANDS ON A WOMAN IN A FORCEFUL SENSE....ever!!!

#2 All women are pretty or as you say beautiful, some more than others(darn it) but all pretty. Please try through all of the peer pressure you will obtain from high school to please be the "jock" that dates the "nerd." Trust me she will be sweeter than anyone else. Or even the "larger girl" with a "contagious laugh" I promise you she may be thicker in the booty and thighs but she is thicker in the heart and mind to.

Dalton Lee you will fail, your heart will break too. Everyones does! You will also get mad and you will be angry and a lot of things may cross your mind...because you son are male and have a lot of testosterone, but remember what I have told you and will tell you many more times..You DO NOT verbally or physically abuse a girl/woman. So help you God!

I love you little man. Daddy and I have really high hopes for you in life. Chin up, Use your gorgeous smile and be nice to everyone.

Love Mommy

Friend and Family Time

A text message Saturday morning kicked off FUN for everyone. Candie text early morning and before we knew it we were loaded up and headed to the park with the Dearing girls. Candie stated she had "mad skills" as she took us to a deserted park, which was awesome, not a ton of kids and total shade for us Moms and baby Kenley. Bubba and Bird ran their little legs off. As the humidity levels rose park play came to an end but Candies "mad skills" did not. Target bound she was! Toddlers not in carts=disaster! They headed for the toy aisle to retrieve their Toy Story 3 treasure that Candie promised! (thank you) They were overwhelmed wanting anything from 5.99 to 50.00! However they settled for the Rex flashlight..can we talk about that for a sec? I might throw the darn Rex in the street. Every time you push a button Rex says "RAWR! Were you scared?" OMG it's worse than a ball popper that you got as a kid. Not kidding! All n All it was super fun. Dalton was fast asleep for his nap even after eating an entire bag of fruit snacks, that aunt CANDIE bought him as well!Isn't she beautiful?

This was Sunday. I did not feel well at all. My meds were increased...again and that made me very nauseous and VERY tired so Dalton played dress up and entertained me moat of the day.

Saturday night we kicked off the 4th of July a day early out at Mom and Dads house. Family and friends came to party as well. Not sure y'all are aware but I despise the 4th of July. Don't get me wrong I love me some good food and company but as soon as the fireworks start booming I am out of there. Not sure what damaged this certain holiday for me but if I could find a state that didn't partake I would be willing to relocate!

This is not really my uncle Chris but he has insisted on be called that since I was a little girl. Last time I saw him was about 4 years ago. I was very prego walking around the American Royal BBQ event and he had a booth. My parents and Chris and Pam go way back...I mean waaaay back :) Nothing but great memories and I was so happy to see him. (PS as you can see Dalton is not a fan of fireworks either)

Happy 4th. I hope everyone stayed safe.