At A Loss

There comes a time in everyones life when you make the choice to hang on or simply let go.

Health
Friends
Spouses
Jobs
Morals
Lies
Truths

Well today I was tested...today at Dalton's appt. I wanted to break down and cry right in front of the doctor, my hubby and my totally brave son(post to come). I held back the tears and I am sure looked extremely mad instead.

We discovered that what we thought was a road to answers was just another detour in Dalton's health mystery. Lets just say this... I am one exhausted Mommy. I sent a text to a few close friends stating that I would be giving up on all Dr's and that the next time Dalton gets a fever I just simply wont care(or something like that) Boy, was I angry! :(
They really told me that a 624 white count was most likely due to a virus. What virus? The one he has had for the past three years???? WTH? Ughhh I can't even get started :(
Anyway back to my point. I was mad and stated I wouldn't care or I would "let go"

A friend text me and all of a sudden my mentality changed...she stated she knows that next time when he gets a fever, I wont "not care" and she was totally right? I will continue to be his advocate and no doubt worry my heart out for him. This is something I wont let go of. We still potentially may receive some answers from other blood work down the road and even a diagnosis of Periodic Fever Syndrome (there is such a thing) but that again is down the road.
Thanks everyone for your prayers or allowing me to blow up your cell in anger or sadness. Thank you for always listening and guiding. :)

Our next step: When he gets the fever we call down to children's mercy hospital, get in ASAP so that they may draw his levels that day. Just like 3 weeks ago. To see if it shows his white count that low again. Anything under 1500 would be NOT good at all. He was 624 3 weeks ago with a 103/104 temp.
Today his counts were 2820...not kidding. :/

To my Bubba: Mommy is still hangin on buddy! Love you!