A letter to the one...

I am sitting here writing to you because I never had the chance to say my goodbye, farewell or F*** Off!
Whats stirring this action you wonder? Its because every time I see someone get burned, walked on, cheated on, lied too it brings up this emotion, this anger, this "mean Tracy" and then I try to rescue and get sick my damn self, but I cant help stop it!! Im a fixer too. You abused, you lied, you destroyed me and it took a long time for the heart to rebuild if it even did completely and the healing process is much deeper.
I don't trust people as far as I can throw them and I cant throw! Does that tell you something?
I see friends go through it and to be honest I went threw it once more after you but never in the same degree. I can hear my finger tips loudly as they hit the keyboard because I am so beyond angry! Angry that there are men out there everywhere like you, men that think its okay to mentally destroy women and take away there securities. What is wrong with you and what still is? Its a viscous cycle right? People don't change, they accept and move on. I choose to be nothing but happy and my poor husband doesn't stand a chance when my feelings are hurt or when I'm angry with him, because I forever hold onto every word he says! Man did I luck out in the husband and wife world though because we laugh more than we ever argue! Thats a huge plus!
I have never seemed to run into you in 6 years and god forbid I ever did. The words and emotions that would take place would be very unkind! Hopefully there is a witness! I hate you, honestly hate you for what you did to me and what hurts way worse then the physical is the mental destruction because like I said ITS STILL HERE laying deep within me.
A lot of women need to write this letter as do some men but they never do and therefor we all have ulcers! :)
I am yelling at you, screaming and stating......YOU DID THIS! You attempted to completely destroy me and I was able to find and rebuild myself again, thanks to GREAT friends and RUSS. Lucky me! Right?! Some don't get this chance and they sit and suffer OR they continue to engage in relationships that turn out to be a viscous cycle in the end!

So to you and all others like you.....Goodbye, Farewell!!! To that once broken, hurting, mad heart.

and..... I thought this will fix everything, wrong. I'm still angry! But I am attempting to let go!!! I just cant stand it when I watch someone repeat my pattern, live my old life, feel my once sad heart!

WOW!!! A Not So Typical Sunday

This morning started out with a trip to Grandmas and Pampas for breakfast. Mom made biscuits and sausage gravy. It was a beautiful morning and Mom and Dads house is overwhelming for any kind of picture taker! I couldn't help but follow my dad and bubba around the yard as the watered the garden, sat on the deck, walked the yard together. Dalton loves his Pampa!! Pampa had to continuously tell him the the tractor(riding lawn mower) was sleeping. It was too cute! Never the less though he came in before we left to love on Grandma! The pics are so random so try to follow.

Mom and Dads garden is huge, over 20 tomato plants, herbs, bell peppers, jalapenos, green beans etc. It is a full time job and was for the previous house wife!

Bubba I love your face! The innocence takes over the demon all the time!!! I love you!




Mommy chillin in the house!!! Its like a getaway!

Then the afternoon hit and the Cothren's decided to do a Appreciation Party for all involved with the fund raising that took place for them to try and start a family, I mean add to....Christy and Phillip...Follow? Its late try to and keep up I said! They rented a bounce house for the kids and adults, we ate great BBQ and sides. The guys played bean bag toss and Becky Peck made amazing Margaritas! It was great weather and good company, some of the guys had to play ball at 7 and 8 so we headed home around 6pm. Just in time for Des to arrive for coffee! Man I'm worn out! Too much fun and sun!


The Crew.......

Yes that Candie....A$$ Up!

Thats Candie A$$ down!

Deflateing on some retards behalf!

Our Bad Boy

So I found these Tats very fitting for my almost 3 year old. Problem is he really liked and wanted more like daddy! Can you see the orange ball? Well thats totally meant to be a baseball like daddy's on his arm.
His guitar in honor of his brother who never puts the guitar down!

He is so proud!

A Night Drive...

I cant truly explain the peace that took over here.......but I will.

So let me back up a little bit. My week started with a fraudulent scam on my checking account, yes it is cleared up but talk about panic, anxiety and sweat that went with it. I don't have much and in my mind I was gonna lose it all!

For the LOVE of Pete cant my sister get better, now WE(I say that cause we are a team) are on a waiting list for a medication(one of the five) that they are going to run intravenously through her and so she sits in constant pain....I'm done with everyone hurting...it makes me sad!

Then friendships can be stressful but I try my best and stick it out because those who are my friends are always there for me, problem is I am that friend who always gets the nervous poops or ulcers when dealing with anything sad or heartfelt.

Then the heat! Enough said! Seattle, I want Seattle!

Then the radiator goes out on my blazer Friday and again panic stricken Tracy appears! Must fix now is my motto and it NEVER happens that way. It was fixed today thanks to Judd and my hubby.

I have been go go go, with housework, work, kiddos, husbands, Jordyn's bday, etc.

I have slept so much lately and if you know me at all that doesn't happen and boy can I sleep now! I am telling ya I am worn out!

So after the husband got home today at 730pm mind you, from fixing cars(yes that's plural) with Judd, I lingered a little put bubba in bed then headed to Walmart ALONE.....I cant tell you the last time that happened and its different when you want to go then when you are asked to go and then sent with a list. Nope this was my trip. I had the windows rolled all the way down, hair in a pony, music blaring. Got my shopping done, only a 18.00 purchase :) Then headed home in the same style....and there she be! That darn sunset made me stop right in the road, of course no cars in sight it was 9pm. I took a picture because A. I couldn't stop staring might as well make it last longer! LOL and B. I deserved that moment right then and there to let me know all is well in the world. (agggghhhhh why am I thinking "We are the World" by Michael Jackson right now? Seriously) I tell ya never ending!

Disney World Comes To Jojo

I must say the best Minnie Mouse I have ever seen in person, and well to be honest it is the only one I have ever seen in person. It brought out the kid in me.More pictures to come for sure but, this is just a sneak peek into Jordyn's 3rd Birthday party. Dreams do come true Jojo!!!

(PS: Shall I mention the woman behind the mask?.....Naaaa for now she is just My favorite Minnie ever and boy how she loves being that..."Minnie")

Marking History For My Child

Michael Jackson "King of Pop"Passed today from cardiac arrest. Time Square is filling with people as well as the UCLA Medical Center. What a legend. He would be 51 years old soon.

Bubba you are gonna have to ask me about who he was and what he did for our world as a humanitarian and pop artist. When I met your daddy he would sing a song by Michael Jackson titled..You are not alone......to me in bed every night word for word in rhythm and I would dose off. MJ was a phenomenal performer with Jackson 5, a group with his brothers and then an even better one on his own. I just didn't want to forget this moment....It's History in the making....

PS: I have a hard time speaking of the day when Patrick Swayze's time comes, for he is my personal legend Bubba! It's where you got your name "Dalton" That day is coming...soon, very soon.

I have to add in here that I found a really good article that tells his story and it helps me so that I wont have to explain to Dalton whom this Legend is and was.

"King of Pop" and the biggest celebrity in the world only to fall from his throne in a freakish series of scandals, died Thursday. He was 50.
Jackson died at UCLA Medical Center after being stricken at his rented home in Holmby Hills. Paramedics tried to resuscitate him at his home for nearly three-quarters of an hour, then rushed him to the hospital, where doctors continued to work on him.
"It is believed he suffered cardiac arrest in his home. However, the cause of his death is unknown until results of the autopsy are known," his brother Jermaine said. Police said they were investigating, standard procedure in high-profile cases.
Jackson's death brought a tragic end to a long, bizarre, sometimes farcical decline from his peak in the 1980s, when he was popular music's premier all-around performer, a uniter of black and white music who shattered the race barrier on MTV, dominated the charts and dazzled even more on stage.
His 1982 album "Thriller" — which included the blockbuster hits "Beat It," "Billie Jean" and "Thriller" — is the best-selling album of all time, with an estimated 50 million copies sold worldwide.
At the time of his death, Jackson was rehearsing hard for what was to be his greatest comeback: He was scheduled for an unprecedented 50 shows at a London arena, with the first set for July 13.
As word of his death spread, MTV switched its programming to play videos from Jackson's heyday. Radio stations began playing marathons of his hits. Hundreds of people gathered outside the hospital. In New York's Times Square, a low groan went up in the crowd when a screen flashed that Jackson had died, and people began relaying the news to friends by cell phone.
"No joke. King of Pop is no more. Wow," Michael Harris, 36, of New York City, read from a text message a friend had sent him. "It's like when Kennedy was assassinated. I will always remember being in Times Square when Michael Jackson died."
The public first knew him as a boy in the late 1960s, when he was the precocious, spinning lead singer of the Jackson 5, the singing group he formed with his four older brothers out of Gary, Ind. Among their No. 1 hits were "I Want You Back," "ABC" and "I'll Be There."
He was perhaps the most exciting performer of his generation, known for his backward-gliding moonwalk, his feverish, crotch-grabbing dance moves and his high-pitched singing, punctuated with squeals and titters. His single sequined glove, tight, military-style jacket and aviator sunglasses were trademarks, as was his ever-changing, surgically altered appearance.
"For Michael to be taken away from us so suddenly at such a young age, I just don't have the words," said Quincy Jones, who produced "Thriller." "He was the consummate entertainer and his contributions and legacy will be felt upon the world forever. I've lost my little brother today, and part of my soul has gone with him."
Jackson ranked alongside Elvis Presley and the Beatles as the biggest pop sensations of all time. He united two of music's biggest names when he was briefly married to Presley's daughter, Lisa Marie, and Jackson's death immediately evoked comparisons to that of Presley himself, who died at age 42 in 1977.
As years went by, Jackson became an increasingly freakish figure — a middle-aged man-child weirdly out of touch with grown-up life. His skin became lighter, his nose narrower, and he spoke in a breathy, girlish voice. He often wore a germ mask while traveling, kept a pet chimpanzee named Bubbles as one of his closest companions, and surrounded himself with children at his Neverland ranch, a storybook playland filled with toys, rides and animals. The tabloids dubbed him "Wacko Jacko."
"It seemed to me that his internal essence was at war with the norms of the world. It's as if he was trying to defy gravity," said Michael Levine, a Hollywood publicist who represented Jackson in the early 1990s. He called Jackson a "disciple of P.T. Barnum" and said the star appeared fragile at the time but was "much more cunning and shrewd about the industry than anyone knew."
Jackson caused a furor in 2002 when he playfully dangled his infant son, Prince Michael II, over a hotel balcony in Berlin while a throng of fans watched from below.
In 2005, he was cleared of charges he molested a 13-year-old cancer survivor at Neverland in 2003. He had been accused of plying the boy with alcohol and groping him, and of engaging in strange and inappropriate behavior with other children.
The case followed years of rumors about Jackson and young boys. In a TV documentary, he acknowledged sharing his bed with children, a practice he described as sweet and not at all sexual.
Despite the acquittal, the lurid allegations that came out in court took a fearsome toll on his career and image, and he fell into serious financial trouble.
Jackson was 4 years old when he began singing with his brothers — Marlon, Jermaine, Jackie and Tito — in the Jackson 5. After his early success with bubblegum soul, he struck out on his own, generating innovative, explosive, unstoppable music.
The album "Thriller" alone mixed the dark, serpentine bass and drums and synthesizer approach of "Billie Jean," the grinding Eddie Van Halen solo on "Beat It," and the hiccups and falsettos on "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'."
The peak may have come in 1983, when Motown celebrated its 25th anniversary with an all-star televised concert and Jackson moonwalked off with the show, joining his brothers for a medley of old hits and then leaving them behind with a pointing, crouching, high-kicking, splay-footed, crotch-grabbing run through "Billie Jean."
The audience stood and roared. Jackson raised his fist.
By then he had cemented his place in pop culture. He got the plum Scarecrow role in the 1978 movie musical "The Wiz," a pop-R&B version of "The Wizard of Oz," that starred Diana Ross as Dorothy.
He had strong follow-up albums with 1987's "Bad" and 1991's "Dangerous," but his career began to collapse in 1993 after he was accused of molesting a boy who often stayed at his home. The singer denied any wrongdoing, reached a settlement with the boy's family, reported to be $20 million, and criminal charges were never filed.
Jackson's expressed anger over the allegations on the 1995 album "HIStory," which sold more than 2.4 million copies, but by then, the popularity of Jackson's music was clearly waning, even as public fascination with his increasingly erratic behavior was growing.
Cardiac arrest is an abnormal heart rhythm that stops the heart from pumping blood to the body. It can occur after a heart attack or be caused by other heart problems.
Billboard magazine editorial director Bill Werde said Jackson's star power was unmatched. "The world just lost the biggest pop star in history, no matter how you cut it," Werde said. "He's literally the king of pop."
Jackson's 13 No. 1 one hits on the Billboard charts put him behind only Elvis Presley, the Beatles and Mariah Carey, Werde said.
"He was on the eve of potentially redeeming his career a little bit," he said. "People might have started to think of him again in a different light."

A Play Date

Just My Honey and I at the FREE water park in Wyandotte County!!! Yes, tons of kids but who doesn't love kid chaos in the summer. Talk about people and fun stuff to watch! I have figured out that the oil I bought at Walmart that has SPF 10 in it, is a instant tanner, not a burner so I am pleased! Man does water make you thirsty and hungry though, so afterwards we headed to Sonic for shakes! Then home to shower and clean and my sissy is on her way to drop Bubby off at home! Then Des is heading over for coffee!!! Yum!

A Total Shout Out

I recently posted a "All Mine" post in relation to Bubba being all mine, but I must add that this man here is ALL mine too.

Some might say "You can have him" and my response to them would be. "Thank You!!!!"

Thank you Russ for the best days of my life thus far! There is no real reason for this post, no specific situation that has made me think "Hey you are extra great today and deserve a pat on the back"

I just wanted to tell the world (because yes the world reads my blog honey...dont you know this by now?) that I love you!!

......and well you and your tattoos are really hot in this pics too.

Forever and Always!

Just Stay Little.....Tears :(

"Here I go Pampa...I got it, no touching the wheel...." A shout out to my dad...you are a GREAT Pampa!

Come on, not while Im eating a Strow-barry!

Vrrrrrooooooommm......(insert tractor sounds here)

Look at that face.....

A Few John Deere Pics

Christine took some random great pictures of bubba and pampa on the riding lawn mower, bubba loves Pampa's Tractor

More Tractor Shots..

You have to love him.....you have no choice!!

I am in love with his face...


WOW, was that hard work?

ALL MINE

Sorry ladies, he is ALL MINE!!!