Full of Emotion

Where do I start? I will try and stick to the point but I may wander. I have often wondered or questioned my purpose here on earth and have thought many times that I am missing out on something. I think I was supposed to be some sort of healer..like working in a hospital or with people with no hope! I think maybe if I had not met my husband I would be in Europe or a 3rd world country teaching kiddos.
Everyone says I have a contagious laugh but what else would be said if I died tomorrow? What impact did I have on others?
So not even 2 weeks ago Russ and I were sitting in the living room talking with the TV off , kids in bed and no other noise. I asked what he thought his purpose was? Trying not be all crazy sounding of course. He said he should have been a pro ball player and show his "crib" on MTV. That's my hubby! I tried to make him be serious but it didn't happen. So I have felt crazy, going back to church sometimes weirds people out. Some may think you have flown the nest, or fallen off the wagon when really you are just trying to get back on.
I think I have been called to the Lord in many ways recently, some through people I would have never have conversed with and they turned out to be amazing people...our paths have just never crossed. Some through gifts of total generosity! I'm just elated by them all. Overwhelmed is another word!
So now I have decided I must listen, pray and follow to find out my purpose. What are his intentions for me? Should I write to others, speak to others, care for others in need? I try to be the sunlight on faces and the humor in the crowds but I am not always so happy. I had some crumbling moments recently as you read about in my blog! But like I said Life is too short. Who knows if I will see tomorrow...and you thank god if you do right? I don't want to leave this place behind angry or regretful. So I smile through the tears and frustration. I hold friends and loved ones really close! I say the Our Father every night as I have for the past 6 years.
Lord I am on a mission though. I am a see it to believe it person and so you will struggle with me! I am a procrastinator so good luck keeping me motivated! I will not hold my breath for I know change will be a long road!

10:21 Jesus looked at him and loved him. "One thing you lack," he said. "Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

Please try not to dwell on the grocery bill, or the gas and electric bill because that man upstairs is LOADED! He will take care of everything.