Why does the mirror lie to us OR is it actually telling the truth? When you look in the mirror do you see the exact same person that you feel you are? I sure don't and never have? I call it reverse bulimia. I feel thinner than I actually look! I honestly think I might be crazy because you would think being down 30lbs I would appear to look good in the mirror or in pictures and I don't! I feel good, great actually! I feel lighter, prouder, as a matter of fact I can sit here and say I am the happiest I have been in a long time(as if I was ever really sad right?). I am content with everything and everyone in my life! I accept all terms of relationships and schedules, jobs and tasks in my life right now! Hello friends...I am down 30 pounds and today after sitting with my gal pal Ally, we took pictures and I came home on this high telling Russ how much I miss having Ally around and how she is everything anyone would want in a friend and to be honest I felt really pretty sitting across from her at Starbucks for almost 3 hours but when I loaded the pictures to my computer, TEARS flowed. I cant even post them. I cant even share a photo of me and a girlfriend I simply love and adore because I look like I gained another 30. How can I feel so good, happy and simple yet passing a mirror or seeing myself in a picture and I feel ashamed and like crying? How and Why?
Do I want to lose more weight? Yes, 50lbs more exactly.
Do I feel good in this skin with my husband? Absolutely!!
Do I feel pretty? Naturally...but not Starstruck Gorgeous
So why? Why when I see the "real" me am I all of a sudden sad and disappointed?
I assume that is when I am starring at reality. It doesn't lie or cheat you! It doesn't say you look good in those jeans when you don't, like a "friend" would.
I will just use it as motivation!!! A picture that I will NOT post but visualize everyday. I will keep moving forward and hope to look back when I AM 50lbs lighter and say WOW!
However I do love Ally and thoroughly enjoyed our time together this morning. We are going to try and commit to more time each month. With her living in Wichita its kind of difficult but family is here and well I am family too.
BULLSHIT! And I don't want to hear this fucking bullshit ever again! You looked FANTASTIC last night, you looked FANTASTIC last month, you looked FANTASTIC last year, you looked FANTASTIC 4 years ago! So shut your mouth because I love you and I would hate to have to bring out the Turner girl and come over there!!!! Now I'm all riled up! Damnit Tracy you have ALWAYS been one of the most beautiful women I have ever known and it makes me mad that you think badly of yourself! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!!!! Do you want me to come and write it all over your car in shoe polish? We called it tagging. GRRRRRRR
ReplyDeleteThank you Ash! WOW what an opinion right?! Thank you but regardless of what others say I have to feel that way inside! I have battled this since I was 13. Im over it and not gonna procrastinate on my wieght anymore. Thank you again for your comments, however I believe I need changes! MWAH!
ReplyDeleteTrace, I know exactly what you mean, because I feel the same way too. However, remember this... we are our own worst critic. Everyone else sees us without tainted eyes and when we look in the mirror we are so quick to jump to our insecurities. Ashley is more than right... you are one of the most beautiful women I know. DON'T EVER FORGET THAT!!! Love you.
ReplyDeleteOh God! Okay assholes! I have fought this shit my whole life too! We're going to be fine! We look awesome! We ARE awesome!
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