A Happy Place

A friend got me thinking tonight.....about a happy place. Where do you go when everything and everyone around you is falling apart? I cannot fix..I hire out remember! :) Lately I have been feeling blah, so I dye my hair, do my nails, buy some clothes, shoes, sonic drinks, surround myself with friends and love and still I am unfulfilled! I went to the Dr. today because its been 2.5 years since my last physical and I weighed in at TWO HUNDRED NINETEEN POUNDS! That my friends is disgusting! Do I feel that big? Sometimes! Mostly not though, cause Russ doesn't let me, or even bring it to my attention. I am majority of the time bubbly and bouncy Tracy, no pun! See...there I joked but its not funny inside! I'm angry, I am tired, I am lazy and I am hiding....I hide in bigger clothes, I stay in my bubble and I seem to be OK most of the time. I am a nervous wreck at family functions because I know what they are thinking. I can see it in there eyes. Great now I am in tears.....Damnit! I want to fix this, I don't sit on my ass everyday, I come home, I feed the family, I pick up after EVERYONE, I clean, I then bathe, blog and go to bed EXHAUSTED! Just to do it all again tomorrow. Yes I chose this life and I am blessed in many ways but I don't feel good inside! So this is my meltdown...this is MY vent and its OVERDUE! So whats next right...well Dr. Madison drew 5 viles of blood today... see 3 years ago I was borderline diabetic and tested to having NO progesterone in my body...So he wants to check all that and if still the case start my meds up again. Could be a huge weight contributor....I am also scheduled for a ultrasound of my ovaries and gall bladder for other reasons. Can you imagine menopause at 27? He said it does occur more than you think. Hormones are a huge imbalance and if they aren't right then you turn into a headcase...kind of like me right now! So I will get up tomm...do my hair, makeup and dress pretty cause I am going to work, which I love and then to lunch with my sister n law then home to my hubby who will hopefully be better. Wont cross my toes on that one!
I have to add a short prayer list to the end here because this is the sadness that has brought this blog about.....
To my friend Jen Ulmer....I'm so sorry you are having troubles, I love ya and am praying for you to be well...if not well then to feel strong and happy. (Jen has had diabetes for as long as I have known her and she needs kidneys and a pancreas STAT as she would say!)
Amy Mott~I love you and I am so sorry to hear that you are ill too. You are strong and so is your faith and you can and will conquer.
To my Wood family...I am so sorry about the loss of Jenny...she is truley gorgeous and although I never had the chance to meet her I feel I knew her through Russ's stories and talks with her as we drove to Texas! For all who don't know she was killed in a plane crash over the 4th in Virginia coming from New York home to Florida! Sad story....
Ashley...my sissy~god bless can they just hurry up already and fix you. I dedicate one of my ulcers to you. HA! Love ya!
Ok goodnight I am so much more worn out!